With ever expanding avenues and opportunities for connection that technology provides, we may expect loneliness to be a thing of the past – but unfortunately that is far from the truth.
Loneliness can be defined as a subjective, unwelcome feeling of lack or loss of companionship. It happens when we have a mismatch between the quantity and quality of social relationships that we have, and those that we want (Perlman and Peplau, 1981).
This lack of connection and companionship varies in severity – from a feeling that comes and goes, happens primarily at certain times (like holidays), or it could be something you feel most of the time. Loneliness can be classified as emotional (when we miss a particular person and their companionship) or social (when we miss a wider group or network of friends).
Exposure and attention for the significance and severity of lack of connection has been increasing, with Britain recently appointing a ‘Minister of Loneliness’ to provide support and education on the subject.
Studies have found that as many as 1 in 4 people feel like they have no one they can talk to – with over 50% of respondents saying that they felt that no one actually knew them well, and another 40% indicating that they felt isolated from others. When reading the stats, I originally was surprised – but if I reflect honestly on my own personal life, I can identify periods where I can relate to their sentiments.
But one thing that truly shocked me, was how significant a health impact loneliness (something I assumed was much less widespread or serious) could have – being associated with similar mortality rate as those who smoked 15 or more cigarettes a day (Holt-Lunstad, 2015), and greater than the health risks of being obese.
Not once has the depth or satisfaction of my social network been inquired about by a health care professional, and yet it is directed related to increased risks of:
- Decreased life span (+26%)
- Heart Disease, Stroke, High Blood Pressure
- Cognitive decline, Clinical Dementia (+64%)
- Anxiety, Depression, Suicide
- Early onset of Disability
- Substance abuse
- Cancer
- Diabetes
All this to say – loneliness is serious stuff.
We as humans are wired for connection – the occasional tinge of loneliness is a healthy biological signal to build stronger social relationships. It is our bodies way of reaching for what we need to survive – and that’s a great thing. However, when it becomes chronic it has the ability to wreak havoc.
I’m looking forward to diving deeper into how to strengthen the connections in your life, to help ward off loneliness and its many impacts, over the coming weeks with my Connection Project – but until then, remember…
You are not alone.
Has there ever been a time in your life when you felt like there was no one you could talk to or count on? How did you resolve that? What does loneliness look like to you? Does technology help you to feel more or less connected to others? Would love to hear your thoughts below!
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~ L to the Aura ~ 
This might sound odd, coming from a catholic priest, viz, in answer to Your question: ‘Has there ever been a time in your life when you felt like there was no one you could talk to or count on?’ I answer Yes.
In this, I know and acknowledge that there WERE people with whom I was relating, yet the point is that I wanted somebody with whom I relate at Depth.
Happily, have come out of all that happily and with satisfaction.
As Laura says, my Dear Friends and Fellow Sufferers, We are Not alone. And Loneliness Can be overcome. Here’s wishing All of us All the Best.
Yesudas.
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Yesudas – thank you so much for sharing your experience and light! It really hit home for me when you expressed that when you felt alone it was a matter of depth of connection. What insight!
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Thank You, my Dear Laura! Love and Regards. 🙂
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Nice post.
I’m aware of the recent studies revealing the physical effects of being alone, and I have to say that they scare me.
I don’t feel lonely all that much, because I know how to entertain myself. I know how to live and survive on my own.
However, there are some times when I feel alone. The one that hurts most is when I feel that way among other people.
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Im so glad you shared, thank you for that. Even in the middle of a busy social calendar I too sometimes feel alone – and sometimes that feels very restorative, and sometimes it feels more difficult. I think its a very natural thing to feel, and is a good indicator that perhaps we are needing some deeper connection points. One thing I have done in my life, was I picked 3 people I made sure I connected with weekly… and it helped me to cultivate deeper more vulnerable relationships that were reciprocal. It didnt shift my perspective overnight, but over time it really really helped. I hope you come with me on this journey – would love to hear how it goes for you!
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That’s an interesting approach.
3 people seems like A LOT, but definitely something I could try. Thanks for the idea.
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Even start with one! Would love to hear how it goes for you, if you try it out. Good luck!
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Looking fwd to learning more about your project!
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Thank you so much! Fingers crossed you’ll join in the conversation.
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Yes, I agree.
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As I’ve stated before, many of my closet connections are via technology. I’ve moved often in my adult life, so close friends in up somewhere else from me. With today’s busy lifestyles, I’ve often ended up doing a lot alone. Now though I enjoy my alone time. My intention though is to end up more in community.
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Thanks for sharing your insights, Katelon!
I hear you! I also really love my alone time – its a balancing act finding the amount of community/connection that resonates with you. Loneliness is only when there is that ‘mismatch’ between reality and the amount of connection we want. Sometimes I find in my life, it gets more pronounced when Im in a time of need vs when Im flourishing.
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